How In The World Did She Do It?
It wasn’t so long ago that I was a recently divorced single mom in my 20s, trying to pay for grad school and in the worst relationship of my life. “Then why did you stay?” you might be asking. GREAT QUESTION! Apparently, blinders come when you are in a needy, desperate place which then causes you to feel like…
This is as good as it gets.
This is what I deserve.
It’s not bad ALL the time.
When it is good, it is REALLY GOOD!
I can fix her!
If I love them, then I can’t just leave when things get icky.
Any of those phrases sound familiar? If so, this is 1 reason why I became a Life Coach.
People are unable to see their blindspots.
Ok quick…think of a friend or family member. One that you have been giving helpful advice to for years!
Do they take your advice and change their lives? Most of the time, this is a big fat NO!
So frustrating right?
For one thing, a lot of the time free advice is not valued. Sadly this is true. Does this mean you shouldn’t continue sharing your wisdom and helping when you can? Not at all! Continue helping, but just don’t get irritated when they continue to stay stuck in the same pattern for months or even years.
“We all have strengths, weaknesses, and blindspots. In fact, an average person had 3.4 blindspots.”
Try to think of where these blindspots might be in your life. Tricky right? That’s why they are called blindspots! But if you sit and think about areas of your life where friends and family seem to be sharing more and more, this might be it.
Take a Personal Inventory
Take a moment to take a quick inventory. Where are you struggling in life right now? It might not be your definition of struggling, but where would you like to improve.
Is it relationships? Either not being in one or being in one that your friends and family tend to comment on. A relationship where you know things aren’t quite right.
Maybe it is with your kids. Are you a helicopter mom or bulldozer dad, stepping in to save the day without letting your child have the opportunity to grow.
Could it be your physical health? Do you constantly tell yourself you need to exercise or lay off the burgers, only to find yourself making up excuses for why you are still in the same situation?
Anger issues? Pent up resentment? Refusing to forgive someone from your past? Stress levels off the charts? Not able to communicate your needs and wants without first resorting to the silent treatment or yelling?
How Does One Get From Here to There?
In 2020, I became an International Best Selling Author on Amazon, but keep in mind… I was once in your shoes, at least in some of the above areas. I didn’t communicate the best. I was in the aforementioned terrible relationship where I had a HUGE, Annie sized blind spot. It wasn’t good for me, my daughter, my career, etc.
If you don’t know this yet, having a big blindspot or an area in your life you refuse to work on, can effect most of the areas in your life. Everything was a little off-kilter due to this one relationship I had. Deeeeeep down I knew it, but for some reason, I was able to manufacture any and all excuses necessary to keep me stuck and spinning my wheels. It took me hitting close to rock bottom, before I was able to invest the time and money into MYSELF. You heard that right. Not into my daughter or my job, but myself. How long have you been in this pattern? I spent YEARS in denial and stuck in the same rut.
Luckily, you don’t have to waste as much time as I did. By first admitting you have a blind spot, you are already further along than most. The issue with blind spots is that you generally need some neutral assistance. And by neutral, I don’t mean family or friends that have preferences and opinions about everything in your life (as well-meaning as they try to be). I could NEVER have co-authored this book and built this business of helping people and creating a weekly podcast without first addressing my blind spots.
Find a local Life Coach or counselor or online. I LOVE being able to coach people in my community, but there are times and people that I talk to all over the world from the convenience of their home. Technology is amazing and removes any excuse for those truly seeking help! If you are not yet in a place where you feel comfortable reaching out to a coach to help you transform, there are self-paced online courses like Roadtrip to Happiness. This will still help you take steps to changing your life but will take away a bit of the fear one might have when opening up 1-on-1. Either way, it is about YOU and getting results.
So take a moment today. Examine your blindspots and conversations you’ve had with those around you. If you aren’t sure, let’s hop on a call or just talk on Facebook so we can get an idea of what blind spots you have and how to help you to finally move forward and transform your life. You can do this!
Children THRIVE off of consistency
Children THRIVE off of consistency. When they know what to expect, they can rise to the occasion, whether it is setting bedtimes, homework routines, etc., if they know what to do and how to help, you better believe, you will be impressed!
In schools, they give out rubrics for projects. When they do this, the students know exactly what to do to get a certain grade. No surprises for the teacher or the students. Imagine if you laid out the rubric for your home where rules and consequences weren’t determined by your mood or energy level, but by your expectations that were already set and explained when everyone was at 100%.
Ever create a habit?
Just like children, our body and mind enjoy consistency. Ever create a habit? Smoking? Exercising? Making the bed? Letting the dishes pile up? Being late? Consistency can be a good habit or a bad habit. It is up to you to set up your life and your household with purpose. When things become a habit, you barely have to think about them. Imagine waking up early to walk the dog or exercise instead of being in a habit of waking up 5 different times after hitting snooze. Think about when you first learned to drive a bike or car compared to now? In the beginning, you really had to think about every little step and motion. Now, you might be multitasking while taking your morning commute.
Brain Hack Takeaway
The takeaway is this: Our brains love consistency due to ease and efficiency. Once you set the brain up for success, watch out world!