Ready to Stop People-Pleasing?
Ready to Stop People-Pleasing?
Let us not beat around the bush. As some of you may know, I am an authenticity expert. I help people like you with leaving behind people pleasing.
Today, I will be sharing with you 3 reasons why you should stop people pleasing. More importantly, today I will be helping you to make a solid decision of whether you want to live authentically by releasing the need to people please or spend your time instead trying to please everyone, over apologize, and continue avoiding conflict.
The thing is, ending a habit of people pleasing is NOT suitable for everyone. That’s the truth.
I know of so many people who were only slightly interested in living authentically and wanted to end people pleasing… but they never got anywhere because they did not dig deep enough to truly understand why ending people pleasing is so important.
Top 3 Reasons to Stop People-Pleasing
After talking to dozens of my most successful customers, I have distilled the 3 main reasons why anyone would want to release the need to people-please. And it’s not what you imagine, [first name]!
Reason #1- The biggest reason I heard from others and that I resonate with myself, is that they wanted to stop people-pleasing because they don’t want their kids to get into the same way of thinking, habits, and self-talk. What a huge WHY!
Reason #2- “My friends and coworkers keep telling me that I apologize too much.” I was here once and I have some friends and clients that still apologize 5+ times in 1 call.
Reason #3- I struggle with saying “No.” This is so important with every day life choices that will eat up your time, as well as, big decisions like where you will live, who you will marry, and job satisfaction!
Where Are You in Your Journey of Living Authentically?
What about you? Do any of these reasons resonate with you?
I want you to get real clear on your reason(s) behind why you want to stop people-pleasing. Let us not talk about superficial reasons. I want you to dig deep to truly figure out why you want to change.
You may realize at the end of the day that living authentically isn’t for you, and that’s okay. But if you realize that it may be something you are interested in, I’m here to walk this journey with you!
So let me know… what’s your personal WHY for wanting to stop people-pleasing?
Why are YOU interested in living authentically? Why would YOU like to achieve this?
I truly don’t think that it’s a coincidence that you are here. Hit comment and let me know…
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3 Easy Steps to Adjust Your Life Like a Missile
3 Easy Steps to Adjust Your Life Like a Missile
How many of us are over thinkers? 🤔
Needing things to be perfect, then judging and criticizing when they aren’t… because let’s face it. They never will be.
Perfectionism is something that holds you back.
It could be because you worry about others judging you.
It could be due to all the social media and constantly wanting more and better.
Better food!
Cuter kids!
More travel!
Flawless relationship!
Wanting those things is one thing.
Falling apart and beating yourself up when life falls short is another.
It’s a recipe for disaster.
Does Perfectionism Hold You Back?
Take me for example.
I have always thought I needed more education, more training, more certificates, more practice…
And now I have a pile of degrees, certificates, and licenses, years of practice… and none of it I actually need at this moment.
Sure, sure- it all adds up to help me show up to do what I want to do.
But if I look at all the highly successful people without a degree (Ellen Degeneres, Henry Ford, Richard Branson, Rachel Ray, Thomas Edison, Mark Zuckerberg, Ted Turner….and so on) then I can see that I’ve been holding myself back with the excuse that, “once I do this/have this, I’ll be ready.”
It’s a lie.
Right now in this very moment, I have what I need to go out and serve the world. I can help people today. If I stall out and go back to school again, it not only wastes my time, but it prevents me from helping others who are ready now.
Same with you.
Accept Feedback Like a Missile
I have a question: what does it do for you, to beat yourself up over _______?
When I was a school counselor I would talk to students about how even a missile is of course most of the time.
If that’s true, how does it hit its target with such accuracy?
Simple.
It takes feedback and corrects itself.
I didn’t say the middle has a pity party and starts over.
Nope!
Right where it is, it makes a slight shift to become better and get back on course.
This can be you!
3 Steps to Begin Shifting Your Life for the Better
Whether you have gotten of course with dieting/exercise. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, make a small shift!
Whether you have gotten off course with your relationship. What if there were some slight shifts in your marriage/relationship that could make all the difference?
Whether you have gotten off course with your parenting and the negativity is piling up. Maybe you are thinking where did I go wrong and you are dreading the next few years.
Instead of going down that dark and scary path, what if you made some slight shifts today and correct your course, just like the missile?
Today try these 3 easy , yet powerful steps:
1. Where is it I am wanting to improve and why?
(Family, self talk, relationship, health, business)
2. 🧠 Brainstorm all the things you are doing well. Take a moment to brag on yourself… don’t worry, you don’t have to share…but you can! 😉
3. Start by identifying 1 small way you can shift. That’s right, it doesn’t have to be HUGE. Think of a plane altering its course by 2 degrees- You could be in a whole other country eventually!
Don’t worry, I won’t leave you without some examples. Here are some small shift examples:
Family- Learn their love languages, have a tech free time, be intentional with your words, play (even if it is for 5min)
Self-Talk- instead of focusing on who you were, focus on who you want to be. Write it or say it aloud. It is more powerful than you think! How would you talk to your kid or favorite celebrity? Give yourself that same grace!)
Relationship- remember when you first met? The butterflies! The excitement? Identify what is different and don’t be afraid to talk. Again, 5 Love languages!
Health- start by planning ahead! It’s easier to work out when you already have set your clothes out the night before and you go to sleep with intent. With food, plan ahead to cut down on impulsivity!
Business- use a planner and start and end your day with intent. Just like Olympians use the power of visualization, this can be a simple, yet incredible tool for you, too!
If you need more direction on areas to improve, check out the free Wheel of Life in the toolbox. (Link in comments)
Here’s to making a small shift that can change everything! ❤️
Need help making these shifts?
Having trouble identifying what to shift?
Roadtrip.TheHappyMamaVillage.com
For 1 on 1 coaching, let’s talk and see if I can help you. Click here!
For free resources and to listen to the podcast, visit the Toolbox HERE!
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Overcoming Blind Spots to Become a Best Selling Author on Amazon
How In The World Did She Do It?
It wasn’t so long ago that I was a recently divorced single mom in my 20s, trying to pay for grad school and in the worst relationship of my life. “Then why did you stay?” you might be asking. GREAT QUESTION! Apparently, blinders come when you are in a needy, desperate place which then causes you to feel like…
This is as good as it gets.
This is what I deserve.
It’s not bad ALL the time.
When it is good, it is REALLY GOOD!
I can fix her!
If I love them, then I can’t just leave when things get icky.
Any of those phrases sound familiar? If so, this is 1 reason why I became a Life Coach.
People are unable to see their blindspots.
Ok quick…think of a friend or family member. One that you have been giving helpful advice to for years!
Do they take your advice and change their lives? Most of the time, this is a big fat NO!
So frustrating right?
For one thing, a lot of the time free advice is not valued. Sadly this is true. Does this mean you shouldn’t continue sharing your wisdom and helping when you can? Not at all! Continue helping, but just don’t get irritated when they continue to stay stuck in the same pattern for months or even years.
“We all have strengths, weaknesses, and blindspots. In fact, an average person had 3.4 blindspots.”
-Bill Hybels
Try to think of where these blindspots might be in your life. Tricky right? That’s why they are called blindspots! But if you sit and think about areas of your life where friends and family seem to be sharing more and more, this might be it.
Take a Personal Inventory
Take a moment to take a quick inventory. Where are you struggling in life right now? It might not be your definition of struggling, but where would you like to improve.
Relationships
Is it relationships? Either not being in one or being in one that your friends and family tend to comment on. A relationship where you know things aren’t quite right.
Kids
Maybe it is with your kids. Are you a helicopter mom or bulldozer dad, stepping in to save the day without letting your child have the opportunity to grow.
Physical Health
Could it be your physical health? Do you constantly tell yourself you need to exercise or lay off the burgers, only to find yourself making up excuses for why you are still in the same situation?
Mental/Emotional Health
Anger issues? Pent up resentment? Refusing to forgive someone from your past? Stress levels off the charts? Not able to communicate your needs and wants without first resorting to the silent treatment or yelling?
How Does One Get From Here to There?
In 2020, I became an International Best Selling Author on Amazon, but keep in mind… I was once in your shoes, at least in some of the above areas. I didn’t communicate the best. I was in the aforementioned terrible relationship where I had a HUGE, Annie sized blind spot. It wasn’t good for me, my daughter, my career, etc.
If you don’t know this yet, having a big blindspot or an area in your life you refuse to work on, can effect most of the areas in your life. Everything was a little off-kilter due to this one relationship I had. Deeeeeep down I knew it, but for some reason, I was able to manufacture any and all excuses necessary to keep me stuck and spinning my wheels. It took me hitting close to rock bottom, before I was able to invest the time and money into MYSELF. You heard that right. Not into my daughter or my job, but myself. How long have you been in this pattern? I spent YEARS in denial and stuck in the same rut.
Luckily, you don’t have to waste as much time as I did. By first admitting you have a blind spot, you are already further along than most. The issue with blind spots is that you generally need some neutral assistance. And by neutral, I don’t mean family or friends that have preferences and opinions about everything in your life (as well-meaning as they try to be). I could NEVER have co-authored this book and built this business of helping people and creating a weekly podcast without first addressing my blind spots.
Find a local Life Coach or counselor or online. I LOVE being able to coach people in my community, but there are times and people that I talk to all over the world from the convenience of their home. Technology is amazing and removes any excuse for those truly seeking help! If you are not yet in a place where you feel comfortable reaching out to a coach to help you transform, there are self-paced online courses like Roadtrip to Happiness. This will still help you take steps to changing your life but will take away a bit of the fear one might have when opening up 1-on-1. Either way, it is about YOU and getting results.
So take a moment today. Examine your blindspots and conversations you’ve had with those around you. If you aren’t sure, let’s hop on a call or just talk on Facebook so we can get an idea of what blind spots you have and how to help you to finally move forward and transform your life. You can do this!
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Self-Care is the First to Go!
What is Self-Care?
It’s easy for many of us to help others when in a tough spot.
Give sage advice.
Encourage others to share and be there as a shoulder to lean on.
Then tough times come our way and our blinders come up as we enter our own battleground… but lose sight of what works in the midst of our own personal struggles.
Whether it is physical pain that throws us for a loop, marriage struggles, or something serious happening with a family member or child, self-care seems to be the first basic that goes out the window.
Bye bye exercise.
So long Meditation and prayer.
Time with friends? Not enough time!
Date night? That’s the last thing we want!
But…I have my friends and family!
Sometimes we need to reach out to a neutral party that is able to help us see our blind spots.
I know, I’ve been in a situation where I “knew better” and friends were giving me valid advice, yet I’m remained stuck in a toxic situation for years instead of being able to get the help and guidance I actually needed at the time.
This is why so many of us remain stuck. We can’t see the problem. We can’t see that we hold the solution. We don’t listen in a productive way to friends and family.
Why a Life Coach May Be the Key to Getting Some Traction
I’ve been in that sticky spot you are in.
I’ve tried it on my own just like you are doing.
Instead, I was spinning my wheels and going nowhere fast.
Let me help you get unstuck and gain traction as you learn from your past to use the lessons to create an even better future, blinders off!
This is what I do as a Life Coach and I love being about to help people get unstuck who have been trying for months and even years.
Don’t continue to struggle and spin in circles
If you know someone that popped into your heart while reading this, please share.
I work with people all over the world (Texas, California, Canada, Australia) so location is not a problem.
We can quickly and easily hop on the phone to see if we are a good fit and if I can help get you where you want to be.
❤️ Life Coach Annie
Send me a message at:
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The Importance of Consistency
Children THRIVE off of consistency
Children THRIVE off of consistency. When they know what to expect, they can rise to the occasion, whether it is setting bedtimes, homework routines, etc., if they know what to do and how to help, you better believe, you will be impressed!
In schools, they give out rubrics for projects. When they do this, the students know exactly what to do to get a certain grade. No surprises for the teacher or the students. Imagine if you laid out the rubric for your home where rules and consequences weren’t determined by your mood or energy level, but by your expectations that were already set and explained when everyone was at 100%.
Ever create a habit?
Just like children, our body and mind enjoy consistency. Ever create a habit? Smoking? Exercising? Making the bed? Letting the dishes pile up? Being late? Consistency can be a good habit or a bad habit. It is up to you to set up your life and your household with purpose. When things become a habit, you barely have to think about them. Imagine waking up early to walk the dog or exercise instead of being in a habit of waking up 5 different times after hitting snooze. Think about when you first learned to drive a bike or car compared to now? In the beginning, you really had to think about every little step and motion. Now, you might be multitasking while taking your morning commute.
Brain Hack Takeaway
The takeaway is this: Our brains love consistency due to ease and efficiency. Once you set the brain up for success, watch out world!
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